Self-Compassion — Zoe Witherspoon
My name is Zoe Witherspoon (she/her/hers) and I am a fourth year Sociology major minoring in Applied Psychology. I am extremely passionate about helping others and hope to receive my Master’s in Social Work so that I can be there to support people with proper training and enhanced understanding. I believe that all people are deserving of love and care and want to do everything I can do to make sure that people feel heard and respected. In my free time I love to do art of any kind, including painting, coloring, drawing, and collaging. :)
Self-compassion is something that I feel many people tend to overlook. As human beings, there is a lot that our body requires. We have to feed, wash, rest, and recharge ourselves on a daily basis, while also managing relationships, workloads, education, and endless pressures from societal demands. Remembering to take care of yourself is probably the most important thing in your life, because if you are not doing well on the inside, there is no way that you will have the capacity to give even an ounce of your energy toward others. A quote that always comes to mind for me is “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” which means that if you don’t fill your cup first, by practicing self-care and meeting your needs, you will have nothing left to give. People who are able to remember how worthy they are of love and care, even in times of great distress or increased anxiety, are able to regulate their emotions better, due to not feeling depleted and neglected by themselves. It can be so incredibly hard to remember how capable you truly are, and sometimes it takes a bit longer to pull yourself out of a funk, and that is more than okay. The most important thing to remember is that you are so deserving of care.
As mentioned in a lecture titled “Self-compassion,” Dr. Zetzer explains that there are three main components of self compassion (Zetzer, 2023). She pulls from the work of Kristen Neff, who reports that the first component is practicing self-kindness versus self-judgment. This involves accepting failures and challenges and being able to reassure yourself that “It is okay to be hurting right now.” The second component is common humanity versus isolation, or recognizing the universal nature of suffering, and that you are not alone in your struggles. The third component is mindfulness versus over-identification. This practice aims to attend to emotions with equanimity, balance, and openness. Rather than being hard on yourself, get curious. Also allow yourself to recognize that you can be hurting in this moment, but this feeling will pass and you will get through whatever is dragging you down. Life is not easy and you are so strong for being here, getting through it, day by day.
Self-compassion interventions, tested by Germer & Neff (2017), resulted in decreased rumination, depression, anxiety, and body shame. Self-compassion interventions involve showing kindness to oneself, recognizing shared human experience, while encouraging motivation and mindfulness (Neff & Germer, 2017). The incorporation of these practices validates the fact that showing kindness and forgiveness to yourself can allow you to discover a new found sense of peace and reassurance in your capabilities. This, in turn, lowers self-criticism and prompts the ability to tackle life’s tasks and challenges as they come. Self-compassion thus encourages you to give yourself permission to live in your body and honor your intuition without judgment.
An easy way to remember to prioritize yourself is taking a few minutes out of each day to engage in some form of self care. This could look like watching a show while you eat lunch or stopping your homework for 20 minutes to doodle in a sketchbook or read a book. You can also go for a walk and enjoy nature or call a friend that makes you smile. These small acts of kindness add up and allow you to live your best life as your most authentic and nourished self. I have attached a list of some other coping skills that I have brainstormed and recommended in the past that have been effective in my personal life. I hope this list can be beneficial for you when you feel overwhelmed or when you feel that your self-care has been lacking lately. Take care of yourself, you deserve it more than anyone I know.
References
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Baer, M. (2010). The strength-of-weak-ties perspective on creativity: A comprehensive examination and extension. Journal of Applied Psychology, 95(3), 592–601. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0018761
Costa, J., & Pinto-Gouveia, J. (2011). Acceptance of pain, self-compassion and psychopathology: using the chronic pain acceptance questionnaire to identify patients' subgroups. Clinical psychology & psychotherapy, 18(4), 292–302. https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.718
Gilbert, P. (2010). Compassion focused therapy: Distinctive features (p. 43). Routledge.
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Kelly, A. C., Zuroff, D. C., Foa, C. L., & Gilbert, P. (2010). Who benefits from training in self-compassionate self-regulation? A study of smoking reduction. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 29(7), 727–755. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2010.29.7.727
Magnus, C. M. R., Kowalski, K. C., & McHugh, T.-L. F. (2010). The role of self-compassion in women's self-determined motives to exercise and exercise-related outcomes. Self and Identity, 9(4), 363–382. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860903135073
Neff, K. (2022, September 23). Compassion. Self. Retrieved March 6, 2023, from https://self-compassion.org/
Neff, K. N. K. (n.d.). The five myths of self-compassion. Greater Good. Retrieved March 6, 2023, from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_five_myths_of_self_compassion
Neff, K. D., & Beretvas, S. N. (2013). The role of self-compassion in romantic relationships. Self and Identity, 12(1), 78–98. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298868.2011.639548
Neff, K.D. and Germer, C.K. (2013), A Pilot Study and Randomized Controlled Trial of the Mindful Self-Compassion Program. J. Clin. Psychol., 69: 28-44. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.21923
Neff, K. D. & Germer, C. (2017). Self-Compassion and Psychological Wellbeing. In J. Doty (Ed.) Oxford Handbook of Compassion Science, Chap. 27. Oxford University Press
Neff, K. D., Hsieh, Y.-P., & Dejitterat, K. (2005). Self-compassion, achievement goals, and coping with academic failure. Self and Identity. Retrieved March 7, 2023, from https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/publications/SClearninggoals.pdf
Neff, K. D., Kirkpatrick, K. L., & Rude, S. S. (2007). Self-compassion and adaptive psychological functioning. Journal of Research in Personality, 41(1), 139–154. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2006.03.004
Vettese, L. C., Dyer, C. E., Li, W. L., & Wekerle, C. (2011). Does self-compassion mitigate the association between childhood maltreatment and later emotion regulation difficulties? A preliminary investigation. International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction, 9(5), 480–491. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11469-011-9340-7
Yeager, D. S., & Dweck, C. S. (2020). What can be learned from growth mindset controversies? American Psychologist, 75(9), 1269–1284. https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000794
Zetzer, H. (2023). Lecture 9: Self Compassions. Lecture, University of California Santa Barbara.
